Chilled in a bedroom at PIKE PHIsh watching the Best of Chris Farley DVD. We went through half an ounce of trainwreck and three vicodins apiece. I needed this. The week gets unbearable by Tuesday night for me, consistently. Just woke up on the couch and I swear to you there is still a haze in the air, cut by the bright sunlight. Looks like a nice day outside. Missed Daniel's class by a couple hours, oops.
Al's To Do List
Breakfast, get to at least one of my remaining 3 classes, lunch, fill the Relay for Life roster, take $100 out of the snow fund so we can rock T-shirts at the event, avoid contact with family.
A typical Wednesday, I suppose.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Well, it's inevitable at this point
How did Daniel find out? PIKE PHIsh has not come up in any exchange between us since that time after class... members of the fraternity must be listed somewhere since it is affiliated with the University. Or there is talk going around, I'm pretty sure I set some kind of Greek record- oldest bro ever inducted. Daniel did not seem amused, and I am getting tired of having my son upset with me, I gave birth to the kid, afterall. Okay, well I assisted in the eventual birthing, at any rate.
AJ tells me to relax, there are plenty of brohaters out there, and it is important not to let them get you down. But this is my son, it is because of him that I am even enrolled at UVM... and lately I've been fucking that up. I'm sure he will mention this to his sister and perhaps even, God forbid, my ex-wife Sheila. I don't have time for this bullshit! Frat life keeps me busy enough, and all this stress is not helping my blood pressure. It is my responsibility to organize PIKE PHIsh community service events. Currently, I am setting up our team for Relay for Life, and trying my best to raise $100 so we can get sweet T-shirts.
This shit will work itself out, right? It has to.
AJ tells me to relax, there are plenty of brohaters out there, and it is important not to let them get you down. But this is my son, it is because of him that I am even enrolled at UVM... and lately I've been fucking that up. I'm sure he will mention this to his sister and perhaps even, God forbid, my ex-wife Sheila. I don't have time for this bullshit! Frat life keeps me busy enough, and all this stress is not helping my blood pressure. It is my responsibility to organize PIKE PHIsh community service events. Currently, I am setting up our team for Relay for Life, and trying my best to raise $100 so we can get sweet T-shirts.
This shit will work itself out, right? It has to.
The phone rings... sometimes I wish I never bought the mutha fuckin thing.
*ring ring* ... *ring ring* ...
(yes, I still have an old man's ring tone)
"Hello, Al speaking."
"Dad."
"... uh, um, son! How are you Daniel... er, haven't talked to you a while I've had this cough (cough for effect) so I've been laying low in Hinesburg the last week or so. Listen, I understand if you have to give me a few bad grades I'm completely willing to accept that and do any make up-"
"Dad, tell me it's a practical joke that you are now a member of PIKE PHIsh. Please tell me this is some kind of ridiculous joke you're playing on UVM and myself."
"Oh... ha ha... about that... listen, Daniel, I need to run at the moment, really caught me at a bad time. Can I give you a ring later tonight, son? That'd be great. Thanks for calling! Love you!"
*click*
Shit.
(yes, I still have an old man's ring tone)
"Hello, Al speaking."
"Dad."
"... uh, um, son! How are you Daniel... er, haven't talked to you a while I've had this cough (cough for effect) so I've been laying low in Hinesburg the last week or so. Listen, I understand if you have to give me a few bad grades I'm completely willing to accept that and do any make up-"
"Dad, tell me it's a practical joke that you are now a member of PIKE PHIsh. Please tell me this is some kind of ridiculous joke you're playing on UVM and myself."
"Oh... ha ha... about that... listen, Daniel, I need to run at the moment, really caught me at a bad time. Can I give you a ring later tonight, son? That'd be great. Thanks for calling! Love you!"
*click*
Shit.
What's sweeter than maple syrup?
Initiation.
After my jaw-dropping stunt of chugging one of 3 gallons of maple syrup after breakfast, and after watching the other 6 pledges vomit all over themselves in their attempts to clear the remaining 2, AJ announced that I was to be the first newly initiated brother of the pledge group. It felt terrific. Everyone was giving me applause, and I was speechless. I had never felt this overwhelming feeling of acceptance that I can recall... it was like a wave of happiness washing over me from head to toe. The only things I can compare it to are my wedding day and the birth dates of my two children. I was legitimately proud of myself, despite what you readers may be thinking, I don't care if it's a little silly.
After my jaw-dropping stunt of chugging one of 3 gallons of maple syrup after breakfast, and after watching the other 6 pledges vomit all over themselves in their attempts to clear the remaining 2, AJ announced that I was to be the first newly initiated brother of the pledge group. It felt terrific. Everyone was giving me applause, and I was speechless. I had never felt this overwhelming feeling of acceptance that I can recall... it was like a wave of happiness washing over me from head to toe. The only things I can compare it to are my wedding day and the birth dates of my two children. I was legitimately proud of myself, despite what you readers may be thinking, I don't care if it's a little silly.
Old habits pay off..
For all my readers that thought to themselves, "Al, you're a fucking retard, something is up with this lovely breakfast scenario," you were right.
Breakfast was going smoothly right up until the very end. As we sat down, the brothers had said that it was the pledges' responsibility to finish everything on the table, and there was no objection. The table was a beautiful spread of pancakes, syrup, orange juice, fruit, and some champagne for mimosas. Hell, I alone could devastate half of this shit. This was probably the thought on the mind of every pledge.
However, there was a tiny catch that went unnoticed until the very end, when the last of the pancakes had seized to exist.
Roughly 3 gallons of Vermont maple syrup remained on the tablecloth. Fuck.
It was myself and 6 other pledges, all freshmen. They were shaking in their chairs. I had a small advantage on my side: I make maple syrup for a living.
Breakfast was going smoothly right up until the very end. As we sat down, the brothers had said that it was the pledges' responsibility to finish everything on the table, and there was no objection. The table was a beautiful spread of pancakes, syrup, orange juice, fruit, and some champagne for mimosas. Hell, I alone could devastate half of this shit. This was probably the thought on the mind of every pledge.
However, there was a tiny catch that went unnoticed until the very end, when the last of the pancakes had seized to exist.
Roughly 3 gallons of Vermont maple syrup remained on the tablecloth. Fuck.
It was myself and 6 other pledges, all freshmen. They were shaking in their chairs. I had a small advantage on my side: I make maple syrup for a living.
Pancakes
It's Sunday morning and I get the text, "House." Normally, this would mean that I am to get into my vehicle and drive straight to the frat from wherever my location may be. This morning, luckily, I happen to be asleep on the hardwood in the attic of PIKE PHIsh. With a few grunts, I am on my feet, wiping the drool from my cheek and finishing the half can of PBR that was in my vicinity. After spitting the cigarette butt that was in the bottom of the can out, I make my way downstairs to see what is in store. To my surprise, my nostrils are greeted by the pleasant smell of pancakes! Fuck yes. I'm starving, as always. It seems that the bros have put together a Sunday morning breakfast feast for everyone, including the pledges. Is hell week over so soon? Am I now officially a brother? That sounds a little too good to be true. Either way, I'm eating pancakes.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Hell Week
Alright, first things first:
1. I will never eat spray cheese again
2. I apologize if you had a newspaper delivered this morning, it may contain lactose
3. Homeless men just seem happier with a stuffed animal
Hell week has begun.
1. I will never eat spray cheese again
2. I apologize if you had a newspaper delivered this morning, it may contain lactose
3. Homeless men just seem happier with a stuffed animal
Hell week has begun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
